What does it mean to be me? Today is the anniversary of my mother’s death. Am I a daughter first? A wife? A mother? A creator? A writer? A fiber artist? An employee? I have a million pieces that make who I am and trying to explain it is like having to weave in the ends of an elaborate project. I say this after 1 – failing at my weaving a scarf on my baby wolf 2 – succeeding at weaving a tapestry project.
This year, for a whole year, I’m not allowed new projects, tasks, volunteers or pretty much anything that involves me extending myself. That started in February and I’ve already broken my commitment by agreeing to go full time at work. I desperately want to hit the art store and by a canvas and a load of acrylic paints but that would be messy, expensive and breaking my no new hobbies rule. Instead, I started a tapestry using a loom I already have and yarn from my closet.
I’m still trying to finish this baby off. It’s a mountain scene and what I’ve had in my head for years. I sit here today, trying to figure out how to end this piece, already weaving on another project on my peg loom, thinking, what would Mom say. I think she’d be happy with it- with all of it. Don’t get me wrong. She’d sprinkle some judgement on in there, but over all, deep inside, she’d be happy. It’s time to use more yarn now. Happy Creating!!!
What does it mean to put yourself or in my case, knit yourself back together. I’ve said this many times, but this time it’s true. I’ve had to deal with quite a bit the last three plus years and even longer. My family has dealt with loss upon loss, cancer, cross country moves, Covid and even the murder of a loved one right as Covid began in 2020. Knitting or crafting in general is one thing in a sea of things that has carried me through the last few years. Way back in 2020, I grasped on to new hobbies hoping they would save me, one by one. I picked up spinning again, bought a table loom, bought fleeces, bought combs and cards to process those fleeces, and tried, tried, tried. I’d hit a road block, such as being unable to figure out how to comb long curly Coopsworth wool fleece, and give up. Then I’d try again, dyeing said fibers and finally, finally weaving them into a rug using a peg loom. Was it pretty? Not exactly, but I learned!
In 2021 a generous woman who I had sold my mother’s table loom to gave it back – and refused to take money for it. Then I found a Schact Wolf Loom for dirt cheap on Facebook leaving me with one rigid heddle loom, one tapestry loom, two table looms and one floor loom. I purchased a warping board off Facebook marketplace but I never received the screws that went along with it. I went to the hardware store and made do. I couldn’t figure out how to warp it and wasted tons of yarn in the many attempts I made. Two weeks ago, I took a class online and have wound my third warp since then.
I bought a merino fleece and couldn’t figure out how to clean it properly. In 2022, I took not one, but three classes on how to prep a fleece. In 2023, it finally clicked and I’m still working through a Tunis fleece I started processing in March. Wash, comb, spin, ply, repeat.
When I was little, my mother tried to teach me to crochet. I’ve never been the type to learn by listening. I have to figure things out on my own. She got frustrated and gave up, leaving me home with my grandmother for the weekend. When she returned, I had crocheted a set of slippers. Then she really got frustrated!!! I never really learned to crochet properly but I spent a month last year in New York attending the murder trial of my family member. Knitting needles were expressly forbidden and enforced so I learned to crochet again. I made close to fifty sunflowers and even wound up making a stuffed pokemon for each of my kids. Not too bad if I say so myself.
In February, after the second trial ended in conviction, I broke down. I fell apart. I went out on FMLA and couldn’t find the energy to knit, to spin, to think or hardly to breathe. I cared for myself, my kids and my life as best as I could. It was hard and painful. I attended the sentencing and said goodbye to my life back in New York, one final time. Every time I say it’s the last time. I said goodbye to the loved one I never got to bury and to the memories, good and bad. I walked away at the end, driving slowly and stopping frequently, hoping my mind would come back to me.
March and April passed. May and June. July is here and I’m in full craft mode. I’m trying to find the balance again, between family, work and the projects that call to me. I’m knitting a scarf, a pair of socks, spinning and prepping Tunis wool fiber for a potential sweater, and have a warp ready to hit the loom. You can indeed knit yourself together again. I have. I am still.
A short while back, I bought a Northfield Tia riddged heddle loom from someone online for $30. The thing has some wooden parts and other plastic parts. The books (and the loom) all appear to be from the 1970s. I figured out how to warp it using YouTube. I wove a blue and white checked scarf for my mother and sent it to her for her birthday. It wasn’t long after receiving it that she pulled down her old loom that was hidden for about thirty years. I was trying to explain the process of warping and weaving to her over the phone and through Skype but a lot was lost in translation. I am a very inexperienced weaver and her loom was a completely different type with skinny metal teeth rather than my big moving heddle. I took these pictures to try to explain the process. This might help someone else out there.
So, it has been about six months since I posted, probably a little more. This last year has been one of the most stressful of my life. I survived and came out the other side. Yay. I must be very busy knitting and spinning, right? Nope. I have been going nonstop for the last month and I’m wondering why. I’m taking advanced accounting classes, tutoring, exercising (because these past six stressful months have added at least fifteen pounds to my belly) and trying to cook dinner a few times a week.
In the past six months, I have:
bought a loom and learned to weave
bought a dehydrator so I can make my own fruit rollups
shuffled yarn so many times I can’t even count
convinced the cats to stop stealing my yarn never mind, the cat is playing with my yarn right now
applied to the master’s program for accounting and taxation
decided to do a PhD program in Accounting if anyone will accept me
Obviously, life is busy and that doesn’t include the crazy activities that I won’t post publicly. From now on, I will try to post every Monday. These posts may be knitting or yarn related or they may involve cooking, baking, dehydrating, general crafts or chasing cats around the apartment (changed my mind, no cat posts allowed on knitwerks).
For this week, here is a picture of my very old tia rigged heddle loom that works like a charm and has made me want a room sized loom as soon as I win the lottery.
Knitwerks 